The United States of America will stage a mass murder of turkeys in a matter of days. Yes, eating meat is common and continues to be done so globally, so it’s not any more or less deadly than eating a regular meal. Where it does break away is the complete, bloodthirsty focus on a single animal. This is a feathered massacre focused on a single bird that was unlucky enough to inherit a delectable tradition rather than a survival demonstration. Turkey carcasses are picked clean by hundreds of millions of people, who then discard the bones in a trashcan so that scavengers can pick through them once more. People scatter the bones of dead turkeys across American tables like the mire of bird hell, laughing over them like demon princes.
Given all this, you might start to look down on the turkey. When we hear the name “turkey,” we are more likely to picture an oval platter with roasted turkey than a real, live animal because the scoreboard is so skewed that even millennia of talon-sliced arteries couldn’t make it right. So why wouldn’t you? But these rounded, golden meatloaves are not truly the turkey. These are terrified, tamed birds, whose only hope is to gaze up at the sky and await their inevitable end. Real turkeys, wild turkeys, are not an easy source of a dozen pounds of dark meat. They are a powerful opponent, so don’t think that you would come out of a one-on-one with the right amount of blood in your veins.
These eight facts highlight the dangers posed by wild turkeys, who would be delighted to see your blood spilled like seed.
Wild turkeys, those majestic birds that grace our Thanksgiving tables, are often seen as docile creatures But what if I told you that these seemingly harmless birds have a dark side? Yes, turkeys can be surprisingly aggressive, and there have been documented cases of them attacking humans, sometimes with fatal consequences.
In this article, we’ll delve into the world of turkey attacks, exploring the reasons behind their aggression and the shocking instances where they’ve injured or even killed humans. We’ll also look at the fascinating history of turkey attacks, dating back centuries, and analyze the factors that contribute to these incidents.
The Thanksgiving Terror: A Tale of Two Turkeys
The two articles we’ll be analyzing today offer contrasting perspectives on turkey attacks. The first article, “Taking Time To Be Thankful: Surviving A Wild Turkey Attack” by Carie Fisher, recounts the author’s personal experience of being attacked by a wild turkey while driving. While the incident was thankfully not fatal, it left a lasting impression on Fisher, prompting her to reflect on the fragility of life and the importance of living each day to the fullest.
The second article, “Terror By Turkey: Wild Turkeys Have A Long History Of Attacking Humans” by Whiskey Riff, takes a more comprehensive look at the phenomenon of turkey attacks. It explores various instances where turkeys have attacked humans, including a mailman terrorized by a turkey in New Jersey, a pregnant woman repeatedly attacked by a flock of turkeys in Massachusetts, and a community in Minnesota plagued by an aggressive turkey. The article also delves into the history of turkey attacks, highlighting cases dating back to the 17th century.
Why Do Turkeys Attack?
Understanding the reasons behind turkey aggression is crucial in preventing future attacks. Despite their reputation for non-aggression, turkeys can become aggressive for a number of reasons.
- Territoriality: Turkeys are fiercely territorial, especially during breeding season. They may attack humans who they perceive as encroaching on their territory.
- Protection of Young: Mother turkeys are fiercely protective of their young and may attack anyone they perceive as a threat.
- Startled or Cornered: If a turkey feels startled or cornered, it may lash out in self-defense.
- Food Aggression: Turkeys can become aggressive when competing for food, especially during times of scarcity.
The Shocking History of Turkey Attacks
Turkey attacks have a surprisingly long history, despite the fact that they may appear to be a recent phenomenon. Documents from as far back as the 17th century describe incidents of turkeys attacking and hurting people. A turkey is said to have killed a man in England in 1784, and a flock of turkeys attacked and seriously injured a woman in Massachusetts in 1851.
Has a Turkey Ever Killed a Human?
Although they are uncommon, attacks by turkeys have been known to result in fatalities. When a 72-year-old man in Florida was walking his dog in 2013, he was attacked by a turkey, which resulted in his death. 2019 saw the death of a 60-year-old Texas man who was attacked by a turkey while riding his bicycle.
How to Stay Safe Around Turkeys
Even though there is little chance of being attacked by a turkey, it’s still important to be aware of the risks and take safety precautions:
- Avoid approaching turkeys, especially during breeding season or when they are with their young.
- If you encounter a turkey, give it plenty of space and avoid making sudden movements.
- If a turkey becomes aggressive, do not run. Stand your ground and make loud noises to scare it away.
- If you are attacked by a turkey, try to protect your head and neck.
While turkeys are generally not aggressive, it’s important to be aware of the potential risks they pose. By understanding the reasons behind their aggression and taking precautions to stay safe, we can minimize the chances of being attacked by these surprisingly powerful birds. And while the chances of a turkey attack resulting in a fatality are extremely low, it’s a reminder that even seemingly harmless creatures can pose a threat if provoked or cornered.
Additional Resources
- National Park Service: https://www.nps.gov/subjects/birds/wild-turkeys.htm
- Turkey Federation: https://www.nwtf.org/
- Humane Society of the United States: https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/wild-turkeys
Disclaimer:
This article is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice. If you are concerned about the potential risks of turkey attacks, please consult with a wildlife expert or your local animal control agency.
4 They Are Fast As Hell
Speaking of sprinting, wild turkeys are, as they say, fast as fuck, boi. Famous sprinter Usain Bolt’s top speed is somewhere around twenty eight miles per hour. Wild turkeys can sprint at twenty five miles an hour. So, if you are unlucky enough to get yourself on a wild turkey’s kill list, by doing something like “being near it,” that thing will run you down like D.K. Metcalf. That’s even given you’re in passably good shape, and don’t have what I call “internet writers’ shins” which would crumble into cat litter if I ever tried to hit a full sprint. Not that it really matters if you outrun them anyways, since they can always just fly. At 55 miles an hour.
7 They Have Sharp Spurs
As if beaks and talons weren’t already good enough built in melee weapons, wild turkeys also have a secret weapon on the back of their legs, like those old secret shot nerf guns. Male wild turkeys, or toms, that are over 3 years old will often have sharp, hooked, keratinous spurs that are over an inch long. They’ve basically got little mall ninja knives on the back of their legs, with a hooked shape that would be perfect for severing any number of quite important veins.
This Mailman Gets Attacked by Turkeys Every Day on the Job
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